


Seacrow

by memoriesoflastwords



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Friendship, Grishaverse Big Bang, Male-Female Friendship, Multi, Non-Sexual Slavery, Pirates, Slavery, Wraith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:21:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26082616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memoriesoflastwords/pseuds/memoriesoflastwords
Summary: Written as an entry for the GrishaVerse Big Bang 2020."Nastya still didn’t feel quite at ease on the Wraith. She realized, of course, her current situation was better than the one she had found herself into on the slavers’ ships just hours before, but Nastya’s movements were still stiff under Orghana’s caring watch.Since she had set foot on the ship, she had done nothing but spark flames, although not in a literal way. She had bit Orghana’s finger, caused to ship to almost wreck, yet Inej – that was the Captain’s name – hadn’t hesitated. She had welcomed her. What mattered most, she had realized how unsafe she felt when someone made contact with her skin.Nastya knew she was supposed to be grateful."
Relationships: Jesper Fahey & Wylan Van Eck, Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker & Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Kudos: 12
Collections: Grishaverse Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

Nastya still didn’t feel quite at ease on the Wraith. She realized, of course, her current situation was better than the one she had found herself into on the slavers’ ships just hours before, but Nastya’s movements were still stiff under Orghana’s caring watch.  
Since she had set foot on the ship, she had done nothing but spark flames, although not in a literal way. She had bit Orghana’s finger, caused to ship to almost wreck, yet Inej – that was the Captain’s name – hadn’t hesitated. She had welcomed her. What mattered most, she had realized how unsafe she felt when someone made contact with her skin.  
Nastya knew she was supposed to be grateful.  
Orghana, the Shu girl, had brought her into one of the cabins, showing her a free place she could sleep in, smiling and seemingly happy about her presence despite still having her finger covered in blood. Despite what Inej had told her, she had decided not to go see their Heartrender. After all, she was no Healer, and to tire her for a bitten finger was not needed.  
“Come.” Orghana had let her look around before moving towards the back of the cabin. “I’m guessing we can find you something else to wear. Your clothes smell of fish.”  
Nastya had decided not to let her know the cabin was what smelled of fish, not her clothing. There was no reason to be obnoxious, after all, when Orghana had done nothing but try and be of help. Nastya still was decided to be cautious, of course, but not obnoxious.  
That’s how she had found herself back out, under the night sky, breathing in cold air and looking at how little clouds came out of her lips and nose. That alone fascinated her way more than any aspect of the small science. Grisha had to concentrate for things to happen. Some of them more, some of them less. Nature? Nature simply had to exist in order to be magnificent under every point of view.  
She felt cold in the tunic Orghana had found for her, with the promise of finding a pair of pants and a blouse as soon as possible, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, after all. It almost felt like home, in Chernast, not that far from the Permafrost.  
She breathed in and out once more, the little cloud remembering her of when she was little, playing in the snow with her mother, pretending her breath was an ice dragon’s fire. How long had passed since those carefree days, how far was she from home now?  
“The Captain threw a party.” she hadn’t realized Orghana had never left her side. Inej’s orders, probably. Not to risk another problem on board. “She called it a party, but it’s nothing more than dinner. However, there are some waffle lookalike.”  
Nastya found herself studying the Shu girl, her short brown hair, her unperfectly cut bangs and gentle eyes, before nodding. Orghana had asked her nothing, but she wanted to know whether or not she was joining the crew for dinner. At least, that’s what Nastya imagined.  
“I’m starving.” she added, as to avoid any possible misunderstanding.  
Orghana smiled, her bangs covering her left eye, and sticked her hand out towards Nastya.  
The Grisha stiffened, unsure whether or not she trusted her new comrade enough to let their skin touch. No. No, she didn’t. She looked for pockets to hide her hands in, finding none, standing still, a slight amount of panic running through her veins.  
And Orghana noticed, or remembered Inej’s words, or both, because she stood back. “Sorry. An habit of mine.” she pointed out to a winding staircase bringing below deck. “Let’s go. I’m starving as well, and my fine nose tells me there’s some fish cooking.”  
Nastya frowned before walking on the slippery wood, making her way towards the staircase. Hadn’t there been fish cooking while at sea, there probably would’ve been a problem.

Needless to say, Orghana had been right. As soon as they had reached the big room used as a dining hall, Nastya’s nostrils were filled with the familiar smell of fried fish, and the comfortable one of the dough used to make waffles. Would anyone have found it disgusting, had she mixed up the two? She hadn’t lied, when she had told Orghana she was starving.  
“Sit with Mbali there!” Orghana was about to touch her elbow to catch her attention, but moved back as soon as her fingers touched the tunic. “I’ll get food for us both.”  
Nastya nodded, looking at how quickly Orghana moved towards the makeshift buffet before finding Mbali among the crowd.  
She wasn’t the only dark skinned girl, but she towered the others, and seemed to be a focal point for the girls living on the Wraith.  
Nastya sat by her side in silence, wishing for Mbali to remember, as Orghana initially hadn’t, she would rather not be touched, or hugged in greeting.  
Mbali smiled, white teeth in contrast with her night-coloured skin. “So Orghana did manage to find you something to wear!” she looked at the tunic. “The laundry girls are giving us our clothes back tomorrow. We’ll find something more appropriate for a pirate as soon as they do. Can you imagine fighting against slavers in a tunic?”  
Nastya actually could. After all, most of her capabilities were in her hands, in her teeth. Biting and using the small science were all she could do during a battle, attack, or even play-fight. She had spent too little time in Os Alta to really learn how to use weapons, or her body as if it was made of steel.  
“Here I am!”  
Nastya’s eyes traced Orghana immediately, on the other side of the table. She was playing the tightrope walker with three full plates, two in her hands, one barely standing on her head. Nastya could already imagine all that food falling when one of the plates was placed in front of her, nostrils once back full of what she was ready to swear was the best smell of the world. How long had it been since her last real meal? She couldn’t remember eating anything but sardine scraps and dry bread on the slavers’ ship. She tucked her fingers into the fried fish, little caring about what Mbali and Orghana would’ve thought of her, willing to be called a savage, an uncivilized beast, as long it meant having her belly full of real, warm food.  
“It’s horrible.”  
Nastya froze as soon as she heard that word. Was it really happening, then? She had thought so, but hadn’t really believed for her new comrades to judge her for the way she was eating. She bit her lower lip, covered in the fish’s oil, looked at Mbali. “What’s horrible?” she said, unable to pretend she didn’t care.  
“How those slavers treated you.” Mbali shook her shoulders, using a waffle’s edge to accompany a piece of fish. “When we got word of a Grisha girl trapped in some slavers’ hands, we didn’t get many details. Not at first. We had to puzzle together the informations we managed to get from other slavers, and some merchants.”  
Nastya suddenly felt comfortable enough to start eating again, caring little about the way her fingers were now covered in little scraps of her food. She kept her eyes on Mbali, wanting to know how, why Inej had been so interested in finding her, saving her. She was an Eterealki, of course, capable of making the ship move despite there being little to no wind, but was that all?  
“We had just left Bhez Ju. We were supposed to go to Ketterdam, it felt like time for a little vacation away from the sea.” noticing how deep in the story Nastya was, Mbali went on. “We were not far from the land, were we?”  
Orghana shook her hand. “We’d been at sea for less than two hours. We were still adjusting the sails.”  
“A small ship crossed the Wraith. Someone having to talk with the Wraith. Inej didn’t want our plans to change, at the beginning, we’d already been moving around for months, it was just time for a little bit of rest.” Mbali sucked the oil off her fingers, and Nastya found her plate to be almost empty, already. Her stomach growled. “Inej didn’t tell us much, at first. Only that we’d have to go a little off route, moving towards the Bone Road before turning back to Kerch.”  
“The Bone Road?” Nastya blinked. Rusalye’s home. She knew the legends. “Is that where we are now?”  
Mbali shook her head, getting up and taking both her plate and Nastya’s. “No. We were lucky enough to find your ship first.” she said, before moving back towards the buffet.  
Nastya looked at Orghana, trying to understand properly what had happened, under what circumstances she had been saved. “Lucky? Why? Rusalye’s not there anymore, it’s cold, but it’s not dangerous, for what I…”  
“We aren’t really fully-equipped for cold temperatures, right now. That’s one of the reasons we had to stop in Ketterdam, to buy some warmer clothing, some dried food.” Orghana explained, her plate still full. She handed Nastya half a waffle. “Inej wanted to find you. No one’s ever left behind, that’s our philosophy, no matter how hard it is to fight. We fight, knives and pistols, and always come back to each other.”  
That felt like family.  
And that blocked Nastya from eating even just another bite of food. That felt like what she had promised her family before going to Os Alta, to come back, as soon as she could, to stay by her parents’ side, to work on the vegetable garden when they were too old to break ice and turn the soil.  
“Now that we found you, we can go to Ketterdam. Or maybe we won’t, and we’ll stop in Novyi Zem. I have to admit it’s not really clear to me whether we are closer to Weddle or Gjela, right now, but I guess we’ll know soon enough.” Orghana tilted her head, noticing how Nastya had stopped eating. “Are you all right?”  
Nastya wanted to nod. After all, she was. She was alive, and she had just eaten the best food in months, and she had clean clothes on, a bed, comrades that could be friends. But was that enough? Was safety enough for her, or did she want to go home, set foot off the ship forever and go home in Chernast making of the sea a distant nightmare? She wanted her mother’s quick fingers braiding her hair, her father’s soup cooking on the low fire, her siblings’ laughter stopping her from getting a good night’s sleep. Nastya wanted to nod, wanted to be grateful, but being alive and safe was not enough. She wanted to be home, as well. And that still looked unreachable.  
“Nastya?”  
How had that happened? How had she found herself at sea? She had no memory of it, and although the long, jagged wound on her head’s back was enough to justify a memory leak, she was not ready to admit it to herself just yet. She had been in Os Alta, training, and then she had been on a ship, fighting with chipped nails and week knees against too many men, and with too little Grisha by her side. She had been the last one standing. She had been the first surrendering. She found no pride in any of the actions.  
“Nastya, are you listening to me?”  
She blinked, noticing how Mbali was once more in her visual range, a light in her eyes she couldn’t but call joy. “No.” she admitted, frowning. “What’s going on?”  
“One of the slavers is in the Captain’s quarters.” Mbali didn’t seem bothered by how she had to say things twice in order for Nastya to listen to her. “She wants to question him, process him for what he’s done in these years. But she wants you to be present when she does.”  
To see one of the men who had took her freedom from her, who had took her possibility to go back home from her. To make questions, to claim answers, to fill the gaps her memory loss had gifted her. The light in Nastya’s eyes didn’t mirror Mbali’s joy. That was desire for vengeance.  
“Tell the Captain I’ll be there as soon as she needs me to.”


	2. Chapter 2

It happened the following day.  
Nastya was having breakfast, the sea salt the meat was being stored under burning her tongue and lips. The others had barely touched their bread and sweet tea, but she had made no compliments, and when she’d asked for more, Mbali had found her some meat to put on the bread’s side. Nastya was thinner than any girl her age, some more food wouldn’t have hurt, and some less meat in the Wraith’s warehouse wouldn’t have been noticed easily.  
Freshly clothed with pants and a shirt, too big but kept together by a belt, Nastya was sitting with the others, eating, listening to stories on how they’d all gotten on the ship. Some had wanted to. Some had been saved. Some were only there for a while, ready to leave as soon as they reached the next harbour.  
“Nastya?”  
She looked up, still chewing some stale bread. She was learning to recognize voices, like a domesticated pet too long lost having to learn again how it was like to live in men’s world. She could recognize Mbali’s voice, Orghana’s, maybe Inej’s. That was a new one.  
But she knew the Heartrender. She knew the scrawny girl in front of her was to be feared for how she could make a body fall and twist and bend. She knew better than to run away from an Heartrender. She knew better than to fight against one of them.  
“The Captain’s ready. She wants us to go to her.”  
Nastya got up, quickly drinking her last sips of sweet tea. The Heartrender was taller than she was, and for a moment, Nastya thought of the Little Palace, of how, back there, she had dined with Corporalki and Etheralki alike, laughing at how Materialki always seemed to be too into their jobs to have fun with the others.  
“My name is Ryuu.” the Heartrender said, with a quiet smile. “They probably taught you not to trust someone not wanting you to know their name.”  
Honestly, Nastya couldn’t remember such a lesson. She couldn’t remember much about the Little Palace at all. She had never been the best of students, only caring about the marvel she felt bending nature’s will, using her body and her capacities as weapons no one could take away or use against her. She couldn’t remember such a lesson but she still nodded, because she knew better than to fight an Heartrender, and they left the other girls, Nastya’s stomach still growling, unsatisfied by the quick meal.  
The door was open when they got to Inej’s quarters, the pavement still half covered in the water Nastya had used as an insufficient weapon the day before. Ryuu didn’t look scared, yet, Nastya couldn’t feel at ease. One of the men who had gotten her away from her home, from safety and life as she knew it, was so near she could almost hear his breathing. Or maybe it was Captain Inej’s. Thinking about it, it made much more sense. Yet, she couldn’t be rational.  
Ryuu entered first, her dark hair up in a messy bun, and closed the door. Hasty as Ryuu had been, Nastya barely managed to get in, as well, eyes low, still not sure whether she wanted to see the man or not. She did. She did want to see him suffer. She didn’t want to see the Captain have mercy for him. But for the little she had learned about Inej during the night, it was not likely for her to harm someone without a reason, and most of all, harm someone without a weapon. And that pirate had no weapons on him, Nastya was sure.  
“Welcome.”  
Nastya did, finally, look up. Inej was standing, her eyes the only light in the room before Ryuu took a lamp in her hands and set the fire up. Not too far from her sat the pirate, one Nastya recognized, but didn’t know the name of. He looked too good for a prisoner, and Nastya felt rage burning in her throat. He looked too good for a prisoner. He looked too good and she had been hurt too much and he deserved that too. He deserved pain. He deserved fear. Death, as well. Nastya wanted him to fear death.  
“I have been trying to chat with our friend for hours. I’ll tell you; my throat is getting dry.” Inej spoke, no sign of mercy in her voice as she spoke of the pirate, no sign of anger towards Ryuu nor Nastya. “I had no intention of hurting him, but we don’t have time to wait for him to grow so old he has no reason to lie. So, Ryuu, would you mind?” she pointed at the man with a slow movement of her head, and suddenly Nastya could see the fear she so much wanted.  
Ryuu wore no kefta. There was nothing in her screaming “Grisha!”, there was no red in her clothing. Yet, Nastya saw fear in the pirate’s eyes. And she stepped back, glance low, not wanting Inej to see how thirsty for that man’s pain she was. Probably not even wanting to admit it to herself.  
She forced herself not to watch the pirate’s face, but how not to notice how his legs were growing tense, how his toes were curling in pain, how his entire body, even out of context, was screaming in pain as he sat silent? She forced herself not to watch but heard a single drop of blood fall, the pirate’s teeth deep in his lower lip, don’t scream, you weak man, don’t scream at a woman’s will, but Heartrenders were dangerous creatures, and Nastya knew. And Nastya wanted that man’s pain, but now she wanted his words, she wanted to know.  
She didn’t hear the muffled “stop”, she didn’t hear the man’s panting when, at Inej’s order, Ryuu let him go. But she finally looked up, and could read the terror in the pirate’s eyes, and knew it mirrored her own. She had never liked Heartrenders. She had trusted Healers, many times, but never Heartreanders. She knew better.  
“Now you’re going to talk.” Inej got down on her knees, caressing the floor with her fingertips and getting her skin stained with the pirate’s blood. She sniffed it. Or pretended to. She had learned, as Wraith, from someone she trusted, if someone thinks of you as a monster, you won’t have to behave as such. They’ll take your thirst for blood and pain as granted. They’ll fear you. And fear was all that was keeping the Wraith’s crew safe at sea. “Or this blood will only be a little, free sample of what a good Heartrender can make of a body.”  
The four of them stood still. Nastya only then seemed to notice there were no ropes, no chains keeping the man in his place. Fear in a story, in the Wraith’s legend, seemed to be enough. Now, Ryuu’s abilities had proven themselves stronger than any kind of prison. Fear was, Nastya could see, far harder to escape than the Ice Court.  
“There’s a bidder.”  
She hadn’t expected him to give up so easily. But after all, she had refused to see what Ryuu had done to him, she had refused to imagine the kind of horrors going on behind her closed eyelids.  
“If there’s a bidder…” Inej said, getting back up from her kneeling position. “If there’s a bidder, there has to be an auction. For there to be an auction, there must be something worth paying for. What are you offering?”  
She felt Inej’s weight shift from one leg to the other, a nervous horse waiting for a sign, permission to run. Inej was waiting for permission. To do what? To hit? To cut through skin, get to a beating heart, say no more?  
“A story’s ending.” Nastya could feel the sarcasm dripping from the man’s lips. “Truth on the Wraith.”  
Inej didn’t looked nervous, and Nastya found herself wishing she would just show how scared she was. It was unnatural not to be scared. It was unnatural not to fear, in front of a clear threat. “Truth on the Wraith is known already. What more can you offer, pirate? What more can anyone offer?”  
“Hopefully, when time for the auction comes…” the man shrugged his shoulders. And Nastya couldn’t see pain anymore, nor fear, just surrender. In some twisted way. “Someone will put you and your girls on sale, and bidders will pay a special price.”  
Nastya couldn’t know it, but the moment she had heard that “on sale”, Inej had lost it. All the time spent trying to start over, the very same reason she had left Ketterdam, the reason her stride would always get a bit longer when moving in the Menagerie’s area, it all had come back on the surface. Hadn’t she been quick to push it all back, a satisfied grin, she was sure, would’ve found its place on the pirate’s lips.  
Inej couldn’t stomach being someone’s property anymore. Not since the Menagerie. Not since the Dregs, because despite things having changed since then, she still sometimes felt bitter at how “investment” had sounded pronounced by Kaz’s lips.  
And if she could, maybe, stand not reigning over the sea on her Wraith, if she could, maybe, do say goodbye to her freedom, she had a duty. She had promised to take care of her girls, every single one of them. Being captured, being separated, being sold? That had never been part of the plan. That had never been something to consider. Sure, Inej knew pirates and slavers didn’t like her, but she had never imagined they could sell her coat before even setting on the trap.  
“Good to know.” she said, despite the fear tingling her skin. “As it’s good to know there’ll be one seller less.”  
Nastya knew a threat when she heard one. When Inej turned towards her, facing Ryuu first and telling her to go, and not let a single word spill on the matter, Nastya knew at once that man would not see the sun again. Would not see the sea. When Inej told her, as well, to stay silent on the matter, Nastya simply nodded, and left. But, Ryuu already out the door, a second before it closing, Nastya turned one last time.  
And she smiled, her lips arching like the elegant movement of Inej’s knife in the dark.

Despite having tried, Nastya managed to get no word from Ryuu. Would Inej have killed the pirate herself? Would she have him injured and thrown offboard? Or nothing of it all? Nastya was curious but, most of all, she wanted to know what – who – she was dealing with. Inej was known for many things, but not, for what Nastya recalled, for being blood thirsty. Not for being cruel.  
Still, despite the many questions, Nastya got no answer.  
What she quickly learned, and without having to ask for explanations, was the Wraith never stopped for a long period of time. Everyplace the enormous ship stopped, it was never to stay. Nastya was not sure that constantly fleeing – from what? – life was right for her. She liked the sea, but not enough to ever call it home.  
Nastya was helping cutting a too tight knot off a rope, as Mbali and a pale girl checked an old map, ruined by time more than it had been signed by salt. “If we turn west, we should find ourselves on the old route.” the pale girl was saying, hands on her temples. “Doing so, we’ll be safe from any more attacks, I’m guessing.”  
“We’re never safe from attacks.” Mbali shook her head. “But to go back to our old route is the best option we have.”  
“Not quite so.”  
Mbali was the first to look up, the sound of waves making it hard to understand where the voice was coming from. The pale girl took her time putting the map back into the leather bag, as to protect it from being damaged further. In all of this, Nastya still hadn’t managed to completely cut the knot off. And that was incredibly frustrating to her.  
Inej was walking, her feet bare, toes gripping on the slippery surface as if she had always, somehow, been a sea creature, not needing help in finding the right balance as if she had it in herself. Orghana was walking by her side, her black hair up in a messy braid, stopped by a bitten pencil. Ryuu was nowhere to be seen.  
Orghana had been the one speaking, as Inej called to her the other girls. She looked serious, too serious to be playing around, to be delivering news of a new party, or quite luxurious dinner.  
“How come?” Mbali was the first to speak back, getting up from her kneeling position as the pale girl did the same. “It’s the rational thing to do.”  
“We’ve checked. While we have enough food, we can’t say the same about fresh, sweet water.” the pale girl said. “Going off-route, as we are doing now, means lowering water rations, and the less water we have, the less effective we’ll be in a fight, should someone else attack us. Is it worth it, Orghana?”  
“First off, I’m not the one making decisions on board.” the sea had calmed down, listening, maybe, to what was going on on board. “Secondly, we’re not going off-route. We’re simply not going back to the old one.”  
Nastya found herself hoping. In some way, she found herself hoping for Inej to have picked the route to bring her back home, to Ravka, to her family, to the ones she’d lost. But she knew hope was a frail thing, and she kept quiet, keeping that little spark safe, tucked into the darkness of doubt.  
And she did well. For, had she let that hope run free, she’s only find it shattered against Inej’s sharp words.  
“We move towards Ketterdam.” the Captain spoke as if that was the obvious solution to an unknown problem.  
If Orghana said nothing, already knowing what the Captain had thought about, the girls around started whispering. They had recently been on Kerch soil, and it just made no sense to already go back. A wave of questions, of “Why?” and “Already?”, almost made Inej drown.  
Nastya could imagine the reason of Inej’s decision. Still, she had hoped, and when hope shattered in the darkness, only resentment was left. She took in a trembling breath.  
Inej did the same. She had never lied to her crew, and now was not the time to start doing so. She exhaled. “I wish we didn’t have to change our route. And I know, we’ve only recently left Ketterdam. But…”  
She knew what she wanted to say, what she was going to say. Had she ever failed them? She had done nothing but offer them protection, and food, and some kind of comfort. Now, they only had to trust her.  
But Inej knew she couldn’t ask that. She knew her girls had been hurt, either physically or emotionally, she knew it would’ve been easy to destroy what so slowly had been built on the Wraith. More than a collaboration with the sole goal of survival, but a family.  
“We’re not in a good place.” she spit the words out before she could think them through. But after all, her girls loved her for how honest she could be, and that was the time for honesty, not for intricate words. “There are men, at sea, looking for us. The men we took Nastya from? Not even a third of how many I fear there are out here. And as I won’t allow any of you to be put in danger, I recognize I can’t keep you safe on the Wraith. I recognize doing all I can and fight to my death could not be enough to let you keep your freedom. Ketterdam is the best place to be, now, the only place we can go to without having to watch our backs even in sleep.”  
It made no sense.  
Not to Nastya, at least.  
She knew little of Ketterdam, only that it was ruled by gangs more than it was ruled by men, that it was ruled by bloody coin more than it was ruled by planned economics. She knew little, and in that little, no reason at all to consider it a safe place for runaways.  
Yet, it seemed like she was the only one doubting, if not Inej, at least her idea. She moved towards Orghana as the Shut girl left Inej’s side, brows furrowed, looking for someone to finally answer her questions.  
“How is Ketterdam safe for us?” she asked, direct, just as Inej had been with them moments before.  
Orghana shook her shoulders. “It just is.” she said, finally letting her hair go freely down her shoulders. “The Captain spent some time there, before coming up with the idea of setting off on the Wraith. She knows some people there.”  
“She knows a gang leader.” Mbali, who had finally left the pale girl behind to go back to the ones she called her friends, looked at Nastya as she gave her an answer closer to the truth than Orghana’s. “They worked together, once, so he’ll protect her. And us. Ketterdam is not the safest city, but it’s safe enough.”  
“I still don’t understand why Inej thinks a gang leader is better than a pirate in the slightest way.” Nastya objected.  
“Doesn’t have to be better.” Mbali spoke back, vanishing in one of the ship’s dark rooms. “Just has to be temporarily safe.”  
Nastya followed her downstairs, biting her lower lip as she trembled on the steps. “I don’t like how that temporarily safe sounds.”  
“Me neither.” Orghana’s voice tickled her ears from behind. “But it’s definitely better than dead or prisoner.”  
“You tell me.” a nervous grin appeared on Nastya’s lips, as Mbali lit up a torch and passed it to her.  
“Less talking, more working.” she said, with a smile, trusting Inej’s decisions enough not to worry. “Let’s start putting things together, in bags. I’m guessing we’ll have to unload the ship while in Ketterdam. If Inej’s gang leader can be trusted, the same can’t be said for everyday thieves.”


	3. Chapter 3

Three navigation days went on quickly, day after day, cloudy, starless nights making the Wraith wander almost aimlessly in the ocean. Nastya’s role was to keep the boat moving when the wind went down, and the upcoming summer was of no help to the job. The wind was low, almost never enough, and Ryuu had to help the other Grisha in any way she could, steadying her breaths, controlling her heartbeats. Mbali and Orghana were nervous, checking for pirates against the horizon, but if the light blue sea was of help during the day, the fog lowering itself on the water at night was a different story.  
Inej had barely spoken to anyone but Ryuu during those days, and she had never shown herself to the crew.   
When asked, Ryuu had told them not to worry. Inej was just preparing for the day they arrived at the port. After all, despite being close to that gang leader, and having his protection, didn’t mean anything as they approached the harbour. The Wraith was not that easy to spot and recognize. Not for a man tucked in the inner of the Barrel.  
Nastya was the first to see Ketterdam’s skyline. It was a weird city to look at, definitely different from all she was used to. There were no mountains in sight, no castles or big prairies. Just buildings, and little roads, and smoke in the air. She lowered the wind, making the sails inflate and hang loose.  
Ryuu finally let go of her body, freeing her from magic.  
Nastya guessed she could no longer fear Heartrenders, after depending on one for so long.  
It took a few manoeuvres and more time than Nastya would’ve ever imagined to find a spot in the harbour and secure the ship. When that happened, everyone waited for their Captain to appear, for Inej to emerge from her office and tell them what to do. But she didn’t. And again, they waited and sent Orghana to look for her, but she seemed to be nowhere, to have vanished in thin air.  
Nastya wouldn’t have noticed, hadn’t it been for Mbali. Her Zemeni friend had tapped on her shoulders, murmured a “Look”, pointed with her chin to a shadow moving on the harbour, quick paced, but still elegant, darkness more than she was flesh.  
Her face could barely be seen under the hood, and her movements were fast, but almost methodical. She knew where to go not to be noticed. And Nastya found herself thinking that maybe, just maybe, Inej didn’t see Ketterdam like a safe harbour after all.  
“Where is she going?” Nastya muttered in Mbali’s ear.  
The dark-skinned girl shook her head, playing with the bright pink scarf she was wearing. “I have no idea. When we stop at a port, she usually tells us what to do.” she explained. It had always been that way: secure the ship, listen to Inej, leave only when you know when to come back. “If I had to guess, though…” she took her time, following the shadow.  
Nastya could see the whole Ketterdam mirrored in Mbali’s alert eyes.  
“If I had to guess…” now, Nastya could see herself. She slightly blushed, the view quite stunning. She hadn’t looked in a mirror for days. Looking at herself through someone else’s view was far more intimate than she could have imagined. “I’d say she’s looking for protection.”

Crows remember human faces just like magpies recognize their reflections in mirrors. Kaz Brekker had always deemed it quite interesting, how two animals so similar could be so different, all in all. But he still didn’t trust the birds outside his windows, he still hadn’t bent to their will of being fed by him like they had been fed, for years, by Inej.  
The crows remembered her face, Kaz knew that, for every time the shadow girl came near, the crows would fly down the roof in smoky Ketterdam, looking for the long-fingered hands which had fed them and handled secrets.  
They didn’t behave like that with anyone else, not even with Jesper. They simply ignored him. But Inej? They never missed an opportunity to find her in the night, as she approached the stone wall, as she took the measures to jump in Kaz’s room, surprising him, but never really. He always seemed to know where she was, when she walked Ketterdam’s roads.  
So, when the first crow started running down the roof to start its fly, Kaz realized someone was moving toward the door. No, not toward the door.  
A quite smile appeared on his lips, as confusion creeped in. Inej would always – well, almost – let him know when she was coming back to Ketterdam, usually with a letter, but this time, he had received nothing. Thinking about it, he hadn’t heard from her in a while.  
He moved away from the window, sitting down in front of his desk, elbows on the table as he held his chin up, as he kept his eyes on the night sky over the glass. He lost sigh of the stars as a shadow moved – had he been different, had he been of the romantic kind, he would’ve thought that shadow brighter than any star. But that just wouldn’t have been Kaz Brekker.  
“Goodnight.” he spoke, as the shadow took her hood off, showing her face.  
“To you.”  
Inej usually looked more enthusiastic, when she was in Ketterdam. Being back there meant spending time with Jesper, and Wylan, it meant not having to look after anyone but herself. This time, Kaz could tell something was off.  
She gave the room a glance, as if to check whether anyone else was in there, before starting to read the documents and papers accumulated on the desk, looking for information, looking for data. When she was the Wraith, she knew it all. She had to hope for Kaz’s new Wraith to be just as good as she was at her job. At the same time, she hoped not to find anything. Finding there, in Kaz’s room, information of any kind about the pirates wanting her down, wanting her chains, would have been too shocking for her, as well. No, not shocking – that was Kaz. That would’ve been normal. But it would have been painful.  
“Mind to tell me what you’re looking for?” Kaz hadn’t moved. He was still sitting there, on the other side of the desk, his head slightly tilted.  
“Intel.” Inej let herself fall on Kaz’s bed, fingers tracing circles on her temples. She looked tired. She was tired. She hadn’t slept more than two hours a night since Nastya and the pirate had gotten on the ship. “Apparently, someone wants me out of the game.”  
Kaz shrugged his shoulders, dark eyes following Inej’s slow movements. “No news. They have been wanting you off the game ever since you joined the Dregs.”  
“Yeah, but this time, I’m a solo player against unknown adversaries. We used to have names. We used to have knowledge. Now, I have nothing.” Inej took a deep breath in, hair up in a messy bun, no shadow hiding the tiredness in her eyes. “There’s a bidder. Someone wanting me and my girls out the water, and who knows where, playing servants. I can risk this end myself, but I won’t let my girls be bought like cheap merchandise. I just won’t.”  
What was she expecting by Kaz Brekker? Comforting words? A hug? A simple pat on her shoulder? She knew she’d get nothing from him. Deep down, she wanted nothing from him. She just needed some help.  
“I could’ve written to Nikolai, ask him for help, as many of my girls are Ravkan, but I fear my letters could be read from people outside the court. For what I know, Zoya could burn my letter as soon as she reads my name.” she went on, eyes now on Kaz. The way he looked calm in every situation calmed her down as well. “And I could try and reach for Nina, but what for? What could I ask her? Help from the Second Army? That would make no sense. That would only make me feel part of something bigger again. That would only make me feel protected, with a wall against my back so that I don’t have to look behind me as well.”  
“Inej.” Kaz stopped her, getting up from his chair. “What do you want from me?”  
She took a deep breath in. “I need a place for my girls to stay. A safe place.” she said, finding in Kaz’s eyes no shadow of the doubt she had feared. “They are staying in the ship, right now, but the Wraith is easy to recognize. While we stay in Ketterdam, I thought they could…”  
“Stay here.”  
Inej nodded. And waited.  
She knew Kaz was thinking, reasoning, considering scenarios of all kinds. Positive ones, where the Wraith’s crew only needed a few days, where there was no bidder and it all had been a big joke. And negative ones, that he didn’t really want to explore.  
“I’m not sure the Dregs would be happy, if I told them they would have to share their space with more people, unknown people, and to feed more mouths.” he spoke. “Just like I’m not sure the Barrel is safer than the sea you’re hiding from, Inej. For what you know, this bidder could be anyone, and he could be anywhere. He could’ve planned it all, you coming to Ketterdam could be part of a scheme.”  
“That would be you.” Inej shrugged her shoulders. “Scheming things so that everything falls perfectly into place. But not many have your brains. I certainly don’t. I can only hope for my opponent to be a stupid rich man, or a vile pirate, so that I can have higher chances.”  
“You flatter me, Inej.” Kaz smiled. He didn’t want her to worry so much, but he knew Inej had called it upon herself. Fighting slavers? Freeing people? That was the exact thing people got easily killed for. He moved toward her. “I’ll ask my Wraith to check the Barrel for empty buildings, places your girls can hide in.”  
Inej’s lips opened in a wavering smile. “Your Wraith.” she spoke the name quietly, the name she owned, but not quite entirely anymore. “Tell me, is this new Wraith any good?”  
“Let’s say he has a lot to learn, but his name holds the same legendary aura it held when you were the one ruling over the roofs.”  
Sitting down on the bed, Inej had to look up to meet Kaz’s eyes. She had never liked men to tower over her, as it never failed to make her think of the time spent at the Menagerie. Yet, that was Kaz, and Kaz was not like all men. She had known it ever since the first time he had set foot in the corridors the Lynx found herself trapped in.  
“Let’s hope for this Wraith to be quick in weaving his canvas. I want to know who I’m dealing with.” had she wanted to get up, she couldn’t have. And she didn’t like the feeling of being trapped, of being caged. She was about to tell him to step back, when Kaz moved away, giving her enough space to get up on her feet. “I have to go back to the girls.”  
They had barely ever touched each other since Inej had first left at sea.  
The Dregs thought and spoke about whatever the Demjin and his Wraith were doing, the nights the legendary pirate spent with the thief, but that was say more than fact. So, Inej didn’t move for a hug. She was about to move toward the window, crows waiting outside like some princess’s white horse before a golden carriage, when Kaz surprised her with a caressing hand on her cheek. She stopped.  
“Inej?”  
Even as they both were standing up, she found it hard to look in Kaz’s eyes. She stepped back a little, getting used to the distance that allowed her to look him in the face. She knew he’d find her fear the same moment their eyes would meet, but she didn’t try and hide any of it.  
Inej knew how to move in the dark, but knowing there were people trying to find and capture her, sell her, was making her more careful. Paranoid, some might say.  
“What?”  
Kaz’s hand was still on her right cheek, the thumb following the worried line of her lips.  
Inej asked herself whether that touch was bothering Kaz. That was stupid to ask. He had been the one making the contact, so he was okay with it, wasn’t he?  
She felt Kaz’s fingers move down, from her face to her shoulder, all the way down the arm to her hand.  
She felt Kaz’s fingers on her, opening the fist she hadn’t realized was clenched. She was expecting another caress. She received a gun.  
She blinked, looking at the weapon before looking back at Kaz.  
“What’s that for?”  
“I know you don’t fight like that.” Kaz shrugged, moving away from her, the contact broken. “But there are people following you, people who know who you are and how you protect yourself. Fighting with your knives…”  
“…could not be enough to save my life.” Inej knew that was true. She knew using knives was not always an advantage, for her, in a fight. So, she nodded, the weapon held against the bare skin by the belt, having no pocket large enough for the gun to sit comfortably. She gave a smirk, then. A smirk Kaz could himself into, and if not himself, then all the years Inej had spent being his Wraith. “Still protecting your investments?”  
“No. I stopped doing that long ago.” Kaz was now showing his back to Inej. Closure, for some. Trust, in its purest and most definitive form, for them. “I protect the people I love.”  
Inej showed her back, as well, half outside the window already. “Oh, so you know how to love, Demjin?”  
“I do, indeed.” they knew, without needing to look at each other, without needing a touch in order to believe, they were both shivering, remembering an old touch, old healed wounds that still had a long way before they could vanish and set them free at once. “The problem comes with showing, don’t you think so as well, Lynx?”  
He was the only one who could call her that. It was a game. Kaz was no Demjin, and just like that, Inej was no Lynx, no Wraith, no simple Captain. During the years, they’d worn many masks. New and old names alike were nothing but an accessory to wear or despise.  
“I believe my way of showing love is by protec-” she stopped halfway through, probably in realization. By protecting.  
Kaz’s smirk made its way up to his lips as the gun seemed so light, now, against Inej’s body. Protection had, maybe without them noticing, been their way of looking after one another ever since the day Kaz had brought Inej out the Menagerie. “I know that quite well.”  
She sat, for a second, a leg still inside the room, the other dangling outside the window. She wanted to stay. She always wanted to stay. But she had to be elsewhere, and staying meant somehow betraying her girls, back on the Wraith. Staying with Kaz meant having all the protection she needed, but at the same time, staying meant she would not protect the ones she’d sworn fealty to. Thinking about it, there really was no choice.  
Kaz knew that as well. There really never had been any easy road, for them, or simply any road they could walk together. Feeling alone at night, Kaz Brekker rejoiced of the brief moments he could spend without his gloves, in the dim-lighted room, knowing Inej was with him. But he knew dirty Barrel was no place for the beautiful seacrow he admired from afar, without the gut to call her his own. “Anything to say before you vanish?”  
Inej shook her head. “Sleep well.”  
“I won’t,” because, my dear Inej, I couldn’t bear waking up to a shot and imagining you bleeding out, somewhere, “but you can sleep for the both of us.”  
“The safest time for a crow is at night.” Inej got out the window, a last, longing look at the inside of that room. “I guess there will be no sleeping for me either. No mourners…”  
It didn’t work anymore. Their catchphrase was no more than a fist of words. After all, Kaz knew there would be many mourners, had anything happened to Inej Ghafa. Still, he nodded and closed the window at Inej’s back. “…no funerals.”


	4. Chapter 4

There was one last place Inej had to be before she could go back to the Wraith. Well, more than a place to be, a person to meet: dear old Jesper.  
She usually knew where to find him, either at home, or somewhere by the university, rarely ever at the Barrel. And where Jesper walked, so did Wylan, by his side, red curls she could never not recognize, didn’t matter how dark the night was.  
She would’ve liked to say it was instinct, keeping the three of them in contact, she would’ve liked to believe in some mysterious form of bond, but the truth was in the long, boring letters they’d send each other. Long being two or three quotes, boring meaning Inej had to spend a lot of time trying to decipher Wylan’s hand – he was getting quicker with his writing, under Jesper’s eye, but he still sometimes found it hard to distinguish between a “p” and a “q”.  
Still, despite “place” becoming “qlace” and “job” almost always being “yob”, she would’ve had it in no other way. And as she was happy to correct Wylan’s mistakes, Wylan was more than keen towards helping her find a job and a safe place to the girls not wanting to live on board.  
Wylan’s house was the only place she walked in by the door. Not because there were no windows to break into, more because she had almost scared Wylan’s mother to death the first – and last – time she had used such a shortcut. That hadn’t been funny.  
She knocked, waiting a few minutes before someone came to open the door.  
Jesper’s fingers were covered in oil, as he smiled with his eyes when he recognized Inej. “Hi!” he managed to murmur, lips closed around a few small screws. He spit them into one of his hands, holding Inej tight to himself with the other. “I was trying to repair a door. Sorry for the wait.” he managed to properly smile as he looked Inej up and down. “What’s my favourite girl doing here? Didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”  
“A Fabrikator using screws. Something I’ve never heard about, I’ll admit.” Inej followed Jesper in, looking around to see whether Wylan’s mother was home, as not to scare her one more time. “There have been some problems at sea. Coming back was my best option.”  
“Problems?” Jesper tilted his head, allowing Inej into the kitchen as he took away the tools and washed his hands in the sink. “What kind of problems, dear?”  
“Yeah, Inej, what kind of problems, so he’ll see if he can actually make things worse?”  
Inej turned her head the moment Wylan entered the room, his curls covering one of his eyes. He was smiling, scrawny as ever, but looking happier than he was when Inej had first met him. “Let me guess, he broke the door.”  
“And also broke the screws. The ones you see are the third or fourth batch.” Wylan sat in front of Inej after kissing her cheeks in friendship. “I believe you are here for something a tad bit more serious than our door, though. What happened?”  
Inej made it short. How she had heard about Nastya being trapped, how she had decided to pick her up and bring her, safe, to the Wraith. How she had managed to get one pirate alive, how, during the interrogation, she’d found out about there being a bidder. How she felt… not hopeless, but defied. As if she was playing a game while also being the prize and not knowing who her adversaries were.  
Jesper stood, silent, for a bit, before putting the screw back in their place and sitting, his dark eyes in Inej’s. “You could use a few more weapons on your ship, Inej dear. A pair of cannons, maybe.”  
She didn’t like the idea. Having weapons, bringers of death, on her ship? No Sainkt would ever approve that. And despite not necessarily being the pious girl she had once been, she still would’ve liked to avoid such a challenge to the skies. “I don’t think violence is the most suitable solution to my problem, Jesper. I can kill an enemy. Two. But violence will only get me so far.”  
Wylan’s fingers tapping the table brought Jesper and Inej’s attention to him before his words could. “What about we start digging?”  
“A hole in the sea?” Jesper arched an eyebrow. “Sorry to tell you, Wylan, but…”  
“Oh, shut up. It’s not the right time to joke.” as much as he liked Jesper playing around, Wylan didn’t feel at ease, as if a clock had started clicking the exact same moment Inej had stepped into their house. He looked at their common friend, worry sitting pretty on her face. “We could start looking for information about those bidders that are looking for Inej. Once we know who we’re talking about…”  
Jesper twirled his gun in the air. No, not his gun. Inej’s. Kaz’s. And she hadn’t even noticed him taking it away. “…we can kill him.”  
Wylan nodded, despite the way death sat on his tongue still feeling too much like poison. He wondered whether he would ever get a taste for the way things could end so easily, so quickly, often in blood. “Or her.”  
“No female could ever be a criminal.” Jesper shook his head, putting the gun back on the table.  
Inej’s fingers lingered on the gun. Some romantic soul would say she was looking for the shadow of Kaz’s hand on the metal, but the truth was maybe grimmer. She was trying to understand how much she would have to brace for impact, came things to her using the gun to kill a person. “…careful with words, Jesper.” she spoke, glancing at him playfully.  
“Well,” he coughed, “maybe one female I know could be an amazing criminal.”  
“Thank you.”  
The night went on, but as the sun started shining, breaking against the crystal of the windows just to fall in perfect rainbows on the pavement, Inej still couldn’t see any exit. There was no way to find out more about the bidders without exposing herself – and her girls – to potential danger. Maybe Ravka was the place to be, not Ketterdam. But setting foot at sea was maybe the most dangerous thing Inej could set her mind to, now.  
“I have to get back on the Wraith.” she spoke, with a trembling, tired breath. She could see Jesper and Wylan’s worry on their faces, yet, she didn’t know what to say. How to reassure them. How can you repair something, when you’re breaking as well? “I’ll let you know as soon as there’s anything interesting. And don’t worry,” she smiled, noticing Jesper looking for something, probably another weapon, “I do have some guns, hidden on the Wraith.”  
Jesper nodded, lips biting his lower lip, not sure whether he felt good with Inej leaving. “Do you want me to come with you?”  
Inej’s eyes moved quickly on Jesper. Yes, please. But what came out of her mouth was quite a different answer: “I’d rather take the short way up the rooftops. Nothing personal, Jes.”  
“No offence taken.” Jesper looked at her. How many times had Inej saved him and the other crows? How much had she risked for their safety? And now, roles inversed, he couldn’t think about a single effective way to help her. He bent as much as he needed in order to kiss her forehead. “Be careful.”  
“When am I not?” she spoke back, as Wylan helped her at the door. She hesitated, before leaving, but then, as a small bird living in a cage and first having to open its wings to fly, simply left, without looking back. Because despite knowing that house was no nest of hers, she was still wondering where her migration route would take her.

When she had gotten back on the Wraith, that morning, she had figured something was not quite as it should have been. The girls were not at ease, tense as a rope about to snatch. That was something Inej couldn’t afford, but she was tired. Human, after all, after all the legends about her, the legends that had kept the Wraith together, as a ship and as a group, before love had come.  
During lunch – or the so called one, since no one had been in the mood to cook – Inej sat by Mbali’s side. She was a watcher, exactly what Inej needed. An observer.  
“So…” Inej spoke, sitting with a cup of what pretended to be porridge in her hands. Closed eyed, she could almost deceive her nostrils into thinking that was a waffle. “What’s up with the girls?”  
Mbali looked around before speaking, her deep eyes cautiously scanning the room. “They are scared. Some of them didn’t sleep at all last night.” she said, playing with her own porridge. “Ketterdam scares them.”  
Inej tilted her head. Indeed, the Barrel didn’t look like the safest of places, but that was the Barrel. Ketterdam, as a whole, was a normal city. Full of corruption? Maybe. But a city like many. “Scares them?”  
Before speaking, Mbali took her time eating half the bowl of porridge. She was hungry, after a night spent reassuring the scared girls by Ryuu’s side. Some had slept but had been woken by nightmares. Some, like Nastya, like Orghana, hadn’t even gotten downstairs to the beds. “They say it’s like a big slave market.”  
After all, every harbour was. Inej remembered when she had been brought from the Ketterdam harbour to the Menagerie, her ragged vest to become the Lynx’s too see-through vest, her dreams to become constant illusions. After all, Ketterdam was a slave market. All the world potentially was.  
She puffed. She couldn’t reassure Mbali, she couldn’t reassure them all. She knew Kerch soil was only safe for a certain kind of monsters. “Tell them…”  
“Captain?”  
Inej’s eyes darted on Orghana, her hair undone on her shoulders, purple bags under her eyes.  
“Someone’s looking for you. Says he was sent by Brekker.”  
She knew better than to go meet anyone, but Kaz had promised to send her the new Wraith. She had no reason to doubt that was the one who had taken her place. So, she nodded, and finished what was left of the porridge, feeling it twirling in her hurting stomach. She kissed Mbali’s forehead, before leaving, murmuring a “We’ll talk about it later, sorry”. The dark-skinned girl simply nodded and followed Inej’s movements down the ship.  
Kaz’s new Wraith couldn’t be older than fourteen, wearing the same ragged clothes Inej would also pick for an uncover mission at the harbour. He had eyes too big for his face, covered in dirt, hair curly as a poodle. He had hidden his hands in the cloth pockets, but Inej was sure they were as ruined as her own.  
They looked at each other for a while, before speaking. Inej knew nothing about this Wraith, she had no way of actually knowing whether she was about to be lied to or was with the right person. On the other hand, the Wraith had grown with stories of that Wraith, and had listened to Kaz’s description enough to recognize her among many Suli girls wearing pirate clothes, if needed.  
“I’ve found a place where your pirates can stay, as long as they need. It’s not exactly in the Barrel, it’s near the university, maybe two roads down.” he spoke, baby blue eyes darting around. “I do think it’s safe enough, it offers a good view on the city. But there are voices, Captain, about the old Wraith being back in town.”  
She stood still, the wind caressing her nostrils – or offending them with the smell of dead fish. She knew the new Wraith, if a good one, would’ve noticed the worry in her eyes. So, she said nothing.  
“I am not too sure Ketterdam is safe.” the young Wraith added. “Despite the place being in a good position, should you get attacked, it would take too much time to come back to the harbour. And nothing tells you there wouldn’t be men waiting for you here, as well.”  
“What should I do, then?” she was calm, when she asked. But she was scared. She wanted her girls to be safe. And that was not safety, that was a gamble.  
“I think you could…”  
“So that’s true?”  
Inej had noticed her but had thought nothing about her presence. She had made a mistake. For, now, Nastya stood not too far, fear in her eyes.  
“If we stay, we risk being captured again?” the too scared Grisha girl growled, moving towards Inej, the other girls looking and listening from the Wraith. Had they heard it all? Inej couldn’t know. But she feared it. “You promised me safety! Is that it? Is possibly being captured once more your idea of safety?”  
“Nastya…”  
“I won’t hear that again!” she snarled, and Inej stepped back, moving away from the possible violence of the girl. “You promised, and apparently you lied. How do you expect me to follow? How do you expect me to trust you? How do you expect us to?”  
Us.  
Inej couldn’t find the bravery needed to look up, at the ship, at the girls speaking, murmuring. She couldn’t hear them, from down there, but she knew they were saying the same thing as Nastya. How to trust Inej after she had lied by omission? How to trust Inej after she had put them all in danger?  
She stood still, again, the young Wraith observing but not intervening. Inej wanted to protect them, that was all she wanted, all she ever did. Was that too much, too big, for her? Was the whole plan, the whole fight against slavers, too much for the bony Suli girl, the beat down Lynx, the submissive Menagerie girl, the dead Wraith? Had it been all a game she had played well by pretending to be someone she was not, and would never been? Had it all been an incorrect shot at being important for someone?  
“Nastya…”  
She saw the fear in the Grisha’s eyes before she heard the shot, saw the Wraith’s veil pierced. Following her instinct, Inej covered the back of her head with her hands, and ducked. She would’ve started looking for someplace to hide, hadn’t she seen who had shot the bullet.  
“I see I’m late to the party. Too bad.”  
Inej blinked twice, just be sure that was really Jesper, and not her mind playing, giving her stupid hopes. “Jes?”  
“Guess I’m slow, not walking on the rooftops like you do, but I always get to my destination, Inej dear.” he smiled, helping Inej back on her feet – although he knew she didn’t need that at all – before looking at Nastya. At the kid with wild eyes, so scared she almost looked like an animal in a cage. “So, what is it exactly that you are doing? Trying to get some kind of a rebellion started? Trying to be the spark that starts the change? Too bad you’re no Inferni. If this thing blows up, you could burn yourself.”  
Nastya had clenched her fists by her side, fighting against the urge to attack, and run away. Run away, to where? The doubt was what kept her standing. “What tells you I won’t just knock the wind off your lungs?”  
“The fact that I hypothetically could put a bullet between your eyes first.” Jesper was not violent person, but he played with the words on his tongue.  
Nastya hesitated. Looking at the gun in Jesper’s hand, she was not so sure her power could be faster than a bullet. She stepped back, trying not to look defeated, or scared, although she was. She’d never admit it, to anyone, but she had been scared ever since the Wraith had stopped in the Kettedam harbour.  
Jesper put on a tilted smile. “Now that we’re good friends, let’s think this through. If you start a mutiny, what do you think will happen? Will every single person now on the Wraith follow you?” he kept on playing with his gun, knowing better than to lower his guard, yet. “Or will you find yourself with a ship but no cook, no workers, maybe even no maps? That would be too bad. That’d mean for you all to die at sea, Grisha or not.”  
Seeing her expression waver, Jesper moved toward Nastya, Inej’s eyes on her back, her stomach closed in a fist. She hadn’t been capable of reasoning with Nastya. She hadn’t been capable of reasoning with her girls at all. What did that make her?  
Jesper looked down at Nastya, at her scared big eyes, at her stiff muscles. “What will you do?”


	5. Chapter 5

Nastya had said sorry, had said she had let fear get the best of her, but Inej knew, despite it, she couldn’t trust the little Grisha girl anymore, not after having seen how easily she could turn against anyone, given the possibly, given a reason. She could understand her fear, her motives, but she couldn’t trust her.  
So, she had split the girls in groups, with Jesper’s help. To stay all together, all in Ketterdam, was madness. To stay all together at sea was madness al the same. In the end, three groups stood, feet apart, on the Ketterdam harbour. One, to go join the Dregs – the girls that had made a taste for survival, for some kind of savage living. One, to go to Wylan – the girl wanting an education, a job, a home. The last, to stay on the Wraith.  
Inej had been happy to see Orghana and Mbali in her group, ready to go back at sea. She had kissed Ryuu goodbye – she wanted to be a physician. So, she would to Wylan, look for an occupation and someplace to sleep until she could pay for an education. Last, but not least, she had caressed Nastya’s hair, as she, too, stood with the girls heading for Wylan’s place. She wanted to go back to Fjerda. How, she still didn’t know.  
Groups organized, Inej still didn’t know what to do. She still had someone bailing on her, someone whose identity was unknown. Was getting back on the Wraith, going back at sea, the right thing? Was giving it another shot, looking for more people in need, what was expected of her? Or was stepping back, and look for safety, look for a way back home, the best thing to do until further notice and knowledge?  
She wanted to go and talk to Kaz about it. But she knew leaving again, for the Dregs’ place, was not an option. She knew too well Kaz would want her to stay but tell her to go, follow the wind and the tide, leaving her as confused as before.  
In the end, with her decimated girls, and doubt in her heart, she sailed. She was no crow anymore, the smoky Ketterdam sky was no house for her, the rooftop in front of Kaz’s room was no place to stay. She had no home, no nest. Maybe she never would find one, and would keep flying, black wings and sea salt on her feathers, to the end of the world.

**Author's Note:**

> That was quite a ride!  
> Starting in April with the Mini-Bang, and now being done with the posting of this story, the GVBB 2020 was more work than I thought it would be.  
> Should you like what I write, please do consider buying me a coffee on ko-fi!  
> The link is ko-fi.com/memoriesoflastwords


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